Friday, October 30, 2015

My Spirit of Fear

In the spirit of Halloween, let's discuss fear. Some love to dress up in scary costumes, watch horror movies, or visit haunted corn mazes. While I don't enjoy the traditional horrifying aspects of Halloween, I certainly don't live life in a bubble - afraid to experience all this world has to offer. 

So which am I? Fearful or Fearless?

On one (well sanitized) hand, I'm germophobic, claustrophobic, and radiophobic. 

On the other (trail dirt) filled hand, I'm always up for an adventure. Whether it be zip-lining, roller coasters, or gazing over tall cliffs, I enjoy pushing the limits of sanity.

I feel like I get the opportunity to write about my fearless when recounting my adventures. So what scares the girl who finds herself at peace in situations like this?

Animals top the list of things which freak me out. I hate encountering a dog while I'm out running. I scream when a friend's cat brushes up against my leg under the dinner table. I need a Xanax to calm me down the evening Jay trapped a rat in our house.

Social situations can also leave me anxiety ridden. Best I can figure, I'm an ambivert - a weird combination of needing to make plans to go out with the girls, and weekends spent home alone with a good book.

I feel awkward making conversation, but have also been told I could talk to a tree if there were no people around.  The difference is subtle enough I'm not sure I can understand it, much less put it into words to explain to someone else.

Despite my seemingly nomad lifestyle (3 houses in 6 years) real estate transactions fill me with trepidation. If its a home - what if we miss the old place? What if we over-bought and can't afford it? What if our new neighbors suck?

When it comes to investments, the potential of losing money doesn't scare me as much as the prospect of going broke. I've been poor before (relatively speaking of course) and I survived. I just don't wanna go back there.

Like the fear itself, this transition makes no sense. I wasn't a child of the Cold War, and at only 9 years of age I don't even recall the Berlin Wall coming down. Yet somehow nuclear radiation is one of my biggest phobias.  

While I can't handle scary movies, the only one to ever give me legit nightmares afterward was the based-on-a-true-story K-19: The Widowmaker. For those who haven't seen it, the film doesn't belong in the horror genre. The IMDB synopsis explains: 

When Russia's first nuclear submarine malfunctions on its maiden voyage, the crew must race to save the ship and prevent a nuclear disaster. 

Saving the most fearful for last, I hesitate to even write about this one. I don't want to think about it and consider it as a possibility. Despite the fact that this fear is the most likely to come to fruition.  

The thought of losing someone I love breaks my heart. Sure I joke about ways I'm going to kill Jay, but that's totally different. My family and friends are precious to me. This fear is probably a sign that I don't pray for them nearly enough.

Rather than trusting the God who blessed me by allowing them to be a part of my life, I just hold tight to the fear of the unexpected.
For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment. 2 Timothy 1:7 HCSB

Friday Five LinkupI'm linking up with Kelly today for her Friday Five link-up. Join us in the conversation.

Let me know in the comments if you plan on posting on the topic. 

If not, then in the comments I'd love for you to share your fears in the comments. My rule of thumb: the more weird the better!


  1. I'm definitely not a fan of heights, and you conquer them well!
    I don't like public speaking.
    My biggest fear is something happening to one of my kids or grandkids. I always worried about how I would handle the loss of a parent. My Mom passed away 11 years ago and it was very hard. I still miss her, but I can truly say that God gave me strength to make it through!

  2. Thank you for braving your fears here, Brooke! And thank you for linking up! #FridayFive