Friday, December 14, 2012

A Life Without...

WordsWe use them every day, but seldom we do we stop and consider their power.  Power to build up. power to heal. Power to tear down.

Yesterday I read words on a blog and I felt belittled   The author’s intent seemed to be expressing her love for her children and how she couldn’t imagine life without them.  From my perspective (as a woman childless-by-choice), however, it felt like a judgment against me.  Against a choice of how I live my life.

I’m a bit ashamed to admit that my concern for those who desperately desire children but cannot have them became a secondary reaction, although I have since continued to pray God would protect them and not allow them pain from the blogger’s words.

On vacation a month ago, I found myself in the position of the blogger.  I professed my feelings about my life and (to my surprise) offended someone.  Chatting with a stranger at our bed and breakfast, she asked if my husband and I had children.  “Nope.  They are loud, messy, and I just don’t like them.”

Those are factual statements. Most any mother would tell you that children ARE loud and messy, but they love their kids despite those qualities.  Or even because of those qualities (although I don’t quite get that…)

As the conversation progressed (over several drinks) we talked out the issue and ended hugging.  She did kinda weird me out when she prayed over us and attempted to make the sign of the cross on our foreheads for us to have a boy-child (what century is this again?).  I did, however, understand her heart and was blessed by it.  Someone I had just met had bared her soul to me.  She loved her life so much, she wanted me to share in her joy.

The good news of Jesus.  Isn’t that what we are called to share?  To be so enthralled with how this God-child changed our lives.  Not just added a little something here and there, but turned our worlds upside down?  So full of joy that we can’t imagine a different life?

Over the next few weeks I want to attempt to answer some of the blogger’s questions with a series entitled “Living the Life…of a Childless {and frugal} Trophy Wife.  I don’t claim to speak for everyone out there who doesn’t have children.  I can only speak for me. 

Today, however, I want to take a moment to consider what the center of my world is.  What in my life could I not imagine living without?  What in my life is so close to the core of my being, to remove it would be to remove a part of me? 

My relationship with my Savior should be my answer, although I fear it’s not. What is the rock on which your life is built?


  1. I think that those of us who have kids and grandkids often put them at the forefront of our lives and it's hard for us to understand those who don't want them. You are right that Christ should be first, and I'm afraid that it's too easy to put our family in that spot. I'm sorry you were hurt by those words yesterday and am looking forward to your posts.

  2. I have been looking forward to this post since I saw your tweet last night and am looking forward to your series. =) I mean, obviously, I like kids, as I'm having one in four months, but for those who choose not to have kids -- kudos to you, too! I have friends who have decided to opt out of the kids route, and I don't think any less of them. That's a decision that every couple has to make, and I think people choose to have kids a lot of times for the wrong reasons. Le sigh. I could go on, but I should stop. Anyway, I'm looking forward to your new series.

  3. Obviously, I love my kids. I think they're the best kids on the planet, and I'm pretty dang proud of them. BUT I think it's ridiculous to judge or belittle any childless woman, whether they're childless by choice or not. Truth is, we don't know everyone's story. We don't know what God has called other people to do or be. I see a lot of people who are passionate about something (ie. having children, finding a cure for cancer, adoption, breast-feeding, natural birth, social justice...) & aren't afraid to tell the world about it (possibly even repeatedly). Passion is fine, as long as you don't make it the gospel. Just because you want to cure cancer, adopt, breast-feed, etc. doesn't mean that everyone should. I look forward to your series!

  4. I used to feel the same way about children (and still do about most of them except mine and those I'm related to!). I can very easily remember those days of not wanting or needing to have kids and try reeeally hard not to "suffocate" my kid-less friends about how obsessed I am with mine! (Which is a lot! Haha)