*You watched the video, right? Cause this paragraph won't make sense otherwise.* See the one with the scraggly beard and the knife? See where Jesus has to clean up the mess and reattach that dude's ear from where one of His crazy followers cut it off? Yeah that's me. (The chopper not the chopee)
In my head I know the way things should go. I have everything in neat orderly columns and expect them to stay there. When things don't go the way I think they ought, I lash out. Maybe violently, throwing something across the room or hitting something (never someone I promise!). Sometimes its just with words, saying hurtful nasty things that no one deserves to hear.
Then after that initial surge of adrenaline, I run. I try to distance myself, pretend it doesn't exist. Pretend my Savior isn't getting beaten before my eyes.
After that comes the sorrow. The total and utter humiliation for what I've just done. I'm exhausted - for nothing. Things are the exact same as they would have been had I not ever flown off the handle.
Peter (Jesus ministry Peter, not the post-ascension Peter) is so me, that when I first watch Passion of the Christ I sobbed uncontrollably. Not at the beatings, at the nail being driven in, or the bloody mess that the sin of the world turned Jesus into.
I cried like a baby that moment (in the video up top) where Peter denies Jesus 3 times. After the 3rd time, Jesus looks at Peter - and Peter doesn't know what to do with himself. He's overcome with grief. (Minute 3:09-3:24 of the video)
And so was I.
Jesus loves me this I know. For the song has repeatedly told me so. But comprehension? That's a whole different story. This particular scene in the movie took all the trite things I'd been taught all my life and made them real to me.
Sure, I knew intellectually about how amazing His grace is. Pausing to actually consider it took me to a whole different level of worship and awe.
On this resurrection Sunday, my prayer for you is that each day you awake to His love, and share it with those He has put in your path.
22 Because of the Lord’s faithful love
we do not perish,
for His mercies never end.
23 They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness!
Lamentations 3:22-23 HCSB