Tuesday, July 31, 2012


A couple of weeks ago, I scheduled a doctor's appointment but felt uneasy about it. I've been having issues for the past few months, but wasn't confident that my doctor (who I love and think is fabulous) could really help. That particular Monday was an especially bad day, leading me to finally break down and call the doctor.

My appointment was scheduled for 8:30 the next day. I don't know how it works with your doctor, but appointments are never obtained that quickly with mine unless there is bodily fluid oozing out of an orifice.

In the waiting room, I was the first patient to be called back - despite the fact that others were there before me. The normal nurse was out for the day, and the fill-in chatted me up, helping take the edge off my nerves.

Then it was my turn with the doctor.  I told her my WebMD diagnosis and waited for her to agree with me.  Instead she asked my symptoms.  I twisted my hands as I explained my problems have been more intense the past few months, but I suppose they’ve been around for a while now. 

Family history was then discussed.  I always knew it was a problem most of my family had, but I had never considered it to be significant enough to mention to the doctor.  After only providing 3 examples, she interrupted. 

 “Do you ever…”

 “Have you ever…”

I answered her questions as honestly as I could.  I cried.  We chatted.  She explained.    I left her office with 2 new prescriptions and a sense of dread in my heart.  How in the world was I going to explain my need for medication to a man who doesn’t believe in medication?  Who had to be begged to go to the doctor when a power tool accident left him bleeding?

Resistance was met – from Jay, my Mother, and from a friend, but not how I expected.  All were showing a loving concern for my well being.  All their points were valid, and taken under advisement.

I am thankful for them.

I’m also thankful that the morning I began taking my medication, my Bible reading plan had 2 Kings 20:1-7 selected for me.  7 Then Isaiah said, “Prepare a poultice of figs.” They did so and applied it to the boil, and he recovered. My study Bible commentary spoke to healing of God, and while some times He works in inexplicable ways other times God uses the current medication of the day for the healing of His children.

Tomorrow is my follow up.  I’ve been taking my anti-anxiety/depression medication for over 3 weeks now and am very pleased with the result.  Honestly, I’m not sure how much of my progress is the actual medicine and how much is just the hope that life doesn’t have to be that way.

I don’t have to live with a racing heart and mood swings.  I don’t have to grit my teeth into a smile at work, when someone steps off the elevator wanting my assistance.  I don’t have to use everything within me to resist yelling “awful!” when someone casually (and out of habit) asks “how are you?”

I will defeat this monster.  Through the power of prayer, hope, and Xanax as needed.


***I’ve had several “been there done that” friends who’ve been willing to chat with me about their journey through anxiety and depression.  I am thankful to have them in my life.  Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you are struggling. 


  1. Good for you, for seeking help. I'm so glad you found somebody that would listen to you, and prescribed something that seems to be helping you. Sending so many virtual hugs. :)

  2. I'm so proud of you for doing something about this. I have a family history of depression, and whenever I get that feeling, it's always the first thing that jumps to my mind. And you know what? There's no shame in taking meds for it.

  3. Good for you for going in and getting meds. Glad they are helping too!

  4. So proud of you. I've been on depression & anti anxiety meds for a while now. Depression runs in my family. I had to stop thinking I was weak for needing the meds & learn to accept it for what it truly was. Love you B!

  5. I think it's awesome to be proactive and to want to get a handle on it before things get worse. Nothing wrong with a little self-awareness!

  6. Brooke, you are so brave to post this. And I'm so proud of you for posting it and getting help. I have a relative who is on anti-anxiety medication, and it's such a difference. She's happy now, when before she was withdrawn and sad. I love seeing her happy, and I'm sooo glad you're doing well, too. =)

  7. Glad the meds are helping. You are brave to speak up about this. And you never know who is reading your blog and it just might be the day they seek help. Continued prayers for you!

  8. I am glad you are feeling the good effects of the meds. I KNOW this journey you are on and I will be praying for you Brooke!

  9. So glad you shared this part of your journey. It's a hard step to take, but a positive one...and back in the day for me it was a temporary but much-needed change. Taking care of yourself has to include your whole self after all!!

    <3 you!

  10. Good for you! I'm so proud of you for seeking help & for sharing your experience. This is seen as a taboo (therefore isolating) subject, but it shouldn't be! My brother & several friends have battled anxiety & depression, and I'm so thankful for medication that helps balance the chemicals that tend to get depleted in their system. I'm so glad it's helping you! <3

  11. ((hugs)) my friend. Mine have definitely taken the edge of all teh crazy in my life and I'm glad I went in and was seen. Love you, girl. Proud of you.

  12. As someone who takes anxiety/depression meds every day, I am there with you. Talking about it is taboo and we are changing things.

  13. Oh, I'm so with you on this one! I've been on meds for the last six years.